we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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