Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
