Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
