Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Every concussion has its silver lining
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
