Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
