Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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