tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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