member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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