Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
