Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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