if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
