some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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