I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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