I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
