I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
