and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
