We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Acid is not a monday night drug
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize