I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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