it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
