every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
