my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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