I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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