Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
