Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
