dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
