nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
