as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
