I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
