ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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