Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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