I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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