I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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