i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
