we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
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