youre lurking in front of me
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
