How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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