Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize