i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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