so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
