I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
