don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
