What a fucking waste of an outfit
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize