Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just invented taco cereal.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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