you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
