Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
