I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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