Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
