I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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