i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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