I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
