just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
