Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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