I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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