so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
