I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
