I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
