Already got asked if we're dating
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
