i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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