I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
