Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
