Umm I'm too high to move.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize