Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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