We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
