OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
