Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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