Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
