You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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