a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
only if we run a train.
done.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Randomize
