We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
