dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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