my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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