Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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