I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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